The Most Beautiful Princess
by shiara the witch
Summary: I edit a lot in this story. However, I still need work on the romance, any reviews or ideas are welcome


"She is the most beautiful lady in the world! Eyes bluer than a spring sky, hair more yellow than gold, and skin fairer than a cloud. A paragon of innocence. No one can hold a candle to her beauty. She…"

"Yes, yes, we all comprehend her idealness. But why are you bothering me and my court with this gibberish?" the king demanded irritably. Although the minstrel had just arrived, the king had already started harrumphing and tapping his manicured fingers on the arm of his throne. Every month there was a new queen, princess, lady, or maid who claimed to be the fairest. The title had long since ceased to be meaningful.

The king's own sons were no better than the rest of their generation, always eager for a chance to prove themselves worthy, usually in the form of a heroic quest to rescue a fair damsel. With extreme force of will (and the threat of disinheritance) he had managed to keep the princes at home, but it was getting harder with every new tale of a princess in dire need.

The minstrel puckered his lips at the interruption, but continued smoothly. "Well my liege, it has much to do with you. You and any other willing to go on a harrowing journey. Last Sunday, between noon and one, the beautiful princess Penelope was kidnapped. Taken by a vicious beast. This evil beast was a…a…" he lowered his voice and leaned forward, forcing the audience to bend towards him. "Dragon." He got the desired effect from the audience, who gasped in horror. "To rescue the princess you must go on a quest. It will be filled with untold dangers, evil creatures, and terrifying monsters. But the reward shall be great. If you overcome the dwarf at Black Mountain you are very brave. If you triumph over the evil witch you are braver still. Maybe brave enough to…"

Twice the king coughed, glaring at the minstrel. If he did not hurry than supper would grow cold.

After exhaling an exaggerated sigh, the messenger continued. "If you pass those obstacles you shall come to the dragon." Again he lowered his voice to just above a whisper, forcing everyone to lean even farther forward. "It is the fiercest and biggest of the fire breathers. Only the best of the best of the best of…Did you say something, highness? No? Well then, even if the journey is hard and the challenge fierce, the reward far outweighs the risks. For whoever saves the lovely princess gets her hand in marriage. Princess Penelope is a greater prize than anyone can wish for, but her hand in marriage includes her dowry, which is half of her father's kingdom."

Before the minstrel could start on the virtues of the kingdom, the king interrupted. "You mean, if one of my sons defeats this dragon, and saves this princess, he gets half of a prosperous kingdom?"

Before his rhetorical question could be answered, the king's mind was spinning with possibilities. If one of his sons had his own kingdom, then that would be one less to split his kingdom between. Yes, maybe it was time they went out on their own. After all, every prince had to prove himself worthy before becoming king.

"Therefore, I expect you all to go on this quest. And for one of you to rescue Princess Pe…uh the princess. Understand?" The king eyed his three sons sharply.

"I won't let you down father." Prince Richard stepped up. As the oldest and strongest of the prince's his manner was confident.

"Nor I." John nodded. Although the youngest, he had an even higher probability of winning, as he was fond of telling Hugh.

"I too…" Before Hugh could finish his brothers had walked out of the room. He hesitated, wanting to proclaim his intentions as well, but knew if he stayed he would be fall behind. And for once he wanted to be the hero. So instead he made a quick bow then ran out.

Up in his room he scrambled into his best suit of armor. Next, Hugh opened his closet; inside there was a large assortment of swords and shields. He chose the set given to him by his fairy godmother the previous year. Although they were both bright pink, Hugh trusted she had made them well. Now fully prepared, Hugh dashed into the stables. "I am ready to leave now." He called

"That you Hugh? I was wondering when you would be here." The stable master answered, leading his Hugh's horse Dark-Night out.

"You mean Richard and John already left?" Hugh's shoulder's drooped as he mounted the horse. He had been so sure he would be out first. But he couldn't be too far behind, he reasoned, only by a few minutes. With a determined smile he straitened in the saddle and nudged Dark- Night toward the forest.

As soon as they stepped inside he felt the unnatural calmness around him, making him shift uncomfortably. To fill it Hugh started to talk to himself. "I can't wait to meet the Princess Penelope. I just know she is the most beautiful woman in the world. She must be sweet and innocent as well. All princesses are. I bet her voice is like a song. Sweet and delicate…"

"I will not polish your scales, you great stupid lizard!" screeched Princess Penelope.

"You don't have a choice. It's part of the job," retorted the large dragon that lounged nearby. He did not bother to raise his massive head while answering, which he knew would anger the princess more than his answer. "And don't call me a lizard. It's degrading. And I have a name. It's Drake."

Penelope stomped her foot, "I like that! Who chose me for this…this…job? I certainly didn't volunteer! No, it was you who decided to kidnap me. I was at home minding my own business when you came and took me," she said, her voice rising until it was a high squeal, causing the dragon to wince. "I have cooked for you, I have cleaned for you, I have done everything you asked. But this I refuse to do. And that is final!" She crossed her arms across her chest and lifted her chin in challenge.

With a sigh, Drake opened one of his yellow eyes. "Why must you be so difficult? All the other princesses cleaned my scales without complaining."

"Then they must not have had much pride. I was taught that princesses never cleaned something on another person's…er…person!"

A low rumble of laughter came from the dragon. "And cooking stew, sorting rings, and dusting are not considered beneath you?" He shook his head. "I assure you the other princesses had plenty of pride. They wept the first week. However, they never complained."

"Yes, and I have yet to cry. I know that it is perfectly proper for a dragon to kidnap a princess, even if she is not willing. So why should I have cried or complained? I have been reasonable this entire time. But this I absolutely refuse to do."

"I could eat you," Drake ran his tongue over his lips.

"Yes, but you won't. Who will do all your chores then? Besides, my father will kill you if you did."

Drake snorted. "Do you really think a king intimidates me? I have been kidnapping their daughters for generations and I am still healthy"

"That's because having your daughter rescued from a vicious fire breathing beast is a sure way to get her a good marriage. How else can they know if the suitor is brave and strong? And that is why you will not eat me!" cried Penelope triumphantly.

After a moment she added, "Why do you want your scales cleaned?" When the scales on his snout turned rust red, she covered her mouth to stifle a giggle

Before his odd reaction could be questioned, Drake rose to his feet. He stretched to his full length, yawned in a display of sharp white teeth, and ambled over to Penelope. He lowered his head so that it was even with hers and said, "You will clean my scales."

"You do not intimidate me, you bully. If you want your scales to be shiny, then do it yourself." Her head held up high, she marched back into the cave.

When Hugh arrived at the pass that split the Black Mountain in two, a loud cough interrupted the previous silence. After rebalancing himself from a near fall, he frantically whipped his head around to find the source of the sound.

"Down here," said a low gruff voice. Hugh looked down to find a diminutive figure with a beard so thick his mouth was invisible and a brown shapeless robe that covered the rest of his form.

"Are you the troll of Black Mountain?" squeaked Hugh. Horrified by the sound he coughed to cover his lapse.

"Nope," he rumbled.

Hugh scratched his head. His fear evaporated into puzzlement. "Then why are you at the Black Mountain Pass?" A horrifying thought occurred to him. Blinking rapidly he asked, "Are you trying to save the princess, too?"

A noise that sounded like crumbling rocks rasped from the little man's throat. Hugh was about to offer his assistance when he realized it was laughter. "Hardly. What would I want with a princess? No, I am filling in for Ralph; he is the Black Mountain Troll. Two magicians came by yesterday and like always, caused a lot of stress, so he decided to take an early vacation. I am a dwarf, but the agency said I was close enough."

Hugh nodded, pretending to look wise and understanding. "Then I suppose it is you I must get past."

"Huh? Oh yes, I nearly forgot. But you know… I really need to get home. Since we both know you won't discover my name, why don't you just turn around?"

Hugh drew his eyebrows down in a sharp frown. "Absolutely not! I was sent to rescue Princess Penelope and I am not stopping until I do!"

"I am sure you mean well son," the dwarf soothed. "But your younger brother is going to do the actually saving. You are just here to keep the number of princes traditional."

"Not true! I am just as clever as John! And not half so arrogant. Why shouldn't I get a chance at the princess?"

"If you insist." After letting out a loud sigh the dwarf continued. "Guess away."

"Uh…alright. Rumpelstiltskin, Tom-Tit-Tot, Ricky of the Tuft…uh…Leon?" After each answer the dwarf shock his head. After a few dozen more tries without success, Hugh became discouraged.

The dwarf heaved an exaggerated sigh. "This is ridiculous. I'll give you a hint if you give me your gold ring."

"Why didn't you tell me you could do that earlier?"

"Because I didn't think you would last this long. Richard gave up after a dozen."

"Well here!" Hugh yanked off his ring. He was about to toss it a few feet in front to the dwarf, but realized he shouldn't blame his failure on him. Instead he held it out until the dwarf scooped it up.

"It starts with a B."

"Thank you. Baldwin, Basil, Bernie…"

"Close…closer," the dwarf waved his hand.

Tentatively Hugh licked his lips. "Be…Be…Benjamin? Uh…Bernard?"

The dwarf lifted his hands and let out a whoop. "Yes. Finally. My name is Bernard. Now please go through the pass." Before he could change his mind, Hugh nudged Dark-Night inside.

"Hello, anyone home?"

Penelope turned toward the opening of the cave where she saw a knight in shinning armor atop a snow-white steed. "Wait just one minute," she called. As she ran toward him, she patted down her hair and straightened her gown. Her mother had instilled in her the belief that there was no excuse for sloppy attire. Even if one was being held captive by a dragon. "May I help you?"

"I am Prince John. And as I am sure you know, if I am going to marry the Princess Penelope, I assume that's you, then I must vanquish the dragon."

Perturbed at his tone, Penelope put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "I am sorry sir, but he isn't here now."

"Is he too cowardly to fight, then?" The knight lifted his helmet off his head and tossed his pale gold hair.

"Don't be ridiculous. Father wouldn't have allowed me to be taken my anything less than the best dragon." Despite kidnapping her and making her be his servant, she had grown rather found of Drake, and rushed to defend his honor. "No, he is off visiting a friend." Penelope's mouth quirked in a secret smile.

"Well then, why don't I just wait here?" The knight dismounted before Penelope could think of an excuse and sauntered into the sitting room.

"Please make yourself comfortable," Penelope said automatically. Although tempted to come up with an excuse to leave, she thought it would be wise to interview John before he had time to officially win her hand in marriage. Because he lounged on her usual place on the best couch she took a seat adjacent to him.

She inquired casually, "Why do you want to marry me?"

"Because I am supposed to." He answered with a smile obviously practiced in front of a mirror. "As the youngest of three brothers, I am destined to go on a quest and win a fair maiden.

"Oh really?" Those close to Penelope would recognize the lift in her voice and cock of her right eyebrow as trouble, but John was oblivious.

"Yes, didn't you know? It is the way things always go." John's look was almost pitying and Penelope decided she knew enough about the man to realize he would be a terrible husband.

"I am sure you are right. However, the youngest son can't just marry any damsel in distress, he must marry the fairest in the land."

"Which is you."

"Me?" After years of practice Penelope had mastered the expression of mock surprise. It was the simplest way to rid herself of unwanted company. "But no, the lady Genevieve is."

"That's not what the minstrel told my father." John said, but Penelope detected a slight hesitation in his voice.

"I am terribly sorry Prince John, but your father was told wrong. Why would I lie? It's not that I don't want to be the most beautiful." Penelope let out a sad sigh, looking longingly into his eyes.

"Well, this is awkward." John rose and barked out choppy laughter. "It was nice meeting you Penelope. And even if I can't rescue you, I hope you find someone nice." After watching his grand bow and stunning exit, Penelope chuckled.

"Thank goodness he believed me."

Hugh's stomach was beginning to rumble when a small cottage became visible on the horizon. He spurred Dark-Night towards the welcoming silhouette, eager for a chance to rest and eat. Once he arrived at the front walk, he dismounted and reached to open the front gate. As his fingers brushed the cold metal, someone from the inside pushed it open.

Shocked by the person who met me, Hugh stepped back. Less than a foot in front of him was a small woman dressed in voluminous black and silver robes holding a broom. Despite her witch accoutrements, her angular face was covered with powder and rouge.

"What are you staring at?" she snapped.

"Nothing my lady." Hugh stammered.

"Can you not stand the sight of my hideousness? Do want to ride away screaming 'Ugly witch, ugly witch, run for your life!'"

"Of course not! I would never do something so dishonorable."

The witch's bravado faded, replaced by tears in her coal-rimmed eyes. "Maybe not, but you still think I'm ugly."

"Not at all, my lady. Actually, I hesitated because I thought you were too pretty to be a witch."

The witch smiled, and if not for the rouge that had smeared off her lips, Hugh thought she would have been attractive. "Well then, why don't you come in and have some supper?" She led him into the house.

The house was very tidy, but very oddly decorated. Covering all the walls so that their color was indeterminable, were mirrors. As soon as she entered the room, the witch zoomed toward the nearest mirror. She stared into it, tweaking her appearance for several minutes until satisfied.

"My name is Olga. And I am the witch of Reflective Cottage. Welcome to my home."

"I am honored to be a guest here my lady. Your home is very charming."

"Why, thank you," Olga fluttered her coal thickened lashes. "Please make yourself comfortable while I get supper ready." She turned and started stirring a pot that hung over a smoldering fire. "So, what brings you here?"

"I am on a quest to save Princess Penelope."

Olga whirled back around and the contents of her spoon splattered on a mirror. "Really? You want to go rescue the pretty, pretty princess and use me to do it. It doesn't matter what I want, or how I feel does it. I am just the ugly witch you have to get through." As her bottom lip began to quiver again, Hugh hastened to comfort her.

"I already told you, you aren't ugly. And before now, I didn't know that you could help me reach the princess. I would appreciate it if you could help me, but not if it causes some harm to you."

"Of course it won't hurt me," she said as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. When she saw the black blotches on them, she rushed to another mirror to fix the damage. "To get past the dragon you need something only I have."

"What must I do to receive it?"

Olga grinned, "You must bring me something that will make me beautiful. Come this way. I have something to show you while the soup cools."

She led Hugh into a room filled with treasures. An assortment of jewelry, dresses, and other trinkets littered the cabinets and cupboards. "This is what other questers have brought me to make me look beautiful. None have succeeded. Your brother brought me that." She waved toward a gaudy necklace. "I suppose he thought whoever saw me in it wouldn't be able to see past the glitter."

"John was here?"

"Didn't I just say that? But he didn't succeed. He decided to go on anyway, but he won't succeed."

"Will he be hurt?" Hugh asked nervously. Even if he wanted John to fail, he didn't desire him to get injured in the process.

"I doubt it."

"Good." With a more noticeable bounce to his step Hugh started to peruse the items in the room. To beat all the other prince's he would have to be creative, it was doubtful anything material would satisfy Olga.

"What does this one do?" He asked, pointing to a tall mirror.

"It says who is the fairest in the land."

"Oh. Can I see?"

Olga lifted her shoulders into a careless shrug. "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?"

The head of an elf appeared in the other mirror. "Why are you asking again? We have gone over this again and again. Princess Penelope is the fairest. Then Cinderella, then Rapunzel. You come somewhere between number 350 and number 355."

"Wait." Hugh held up his hand. "I have an idea. Instead of asking who is the fairest of them all, ask who is the fairest witch. Being the most beautiful is a matter of opinion, and judges always favor princesses. They are royalty, bred to be beautiful, have fairy godparents to gift them with attributes, and never have to work."

"Hmm." Olga nodded slowly. "That is true. What chance do I have against Princess Penelope? Her parents are gorgeous. My mother was half ogre and my father was a toad. Yes, I will try changing my question. Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest witch of them all?"

"I just told you, Penel…oh you asked who is the most beautiful witch. You are. All of the others are hags. They work to be ugly. One actually rubs scales on her face. Now if you had asked about witches and sorceresses I would have to say…"

Frantically, Hugh shook his head. The face in the mirror frowned, then if he had had shoulders, Hugh suspected he would have shrugged.

Fortunately, Olga didn't notice. She was too busy crushing Hugh in her embrace. "Thank you, thank you. How ever can I do to repay you?"

"Well, you can start by giving me what I need to win Penelope." Hugh rubbed the back of his neck and felt an uncomfortable warmth covering his cheeks.

"Of course. Come this way and I will show you."

"You are finally home," Penelope called to Drake as he ambled into the cave, mighty head hanging and feet dragging. She rushed over and patted his nose. "What happened?"

Drake grunted in denial, but laid his head on her welcoming lap. "I went to see Belinda today. Doesn't she have the prettiest eyes?" Penelope nodded, careful to hide the knowing smile that lit up her face. "And she makes the best fire balls." Just as he was starting to cheer up, his eyes again dimmed. "But she won't accept my offer. I've tried everything. Jewelry, chocolates, freshly snared rabbits."

"I'm so sorry Drake. But there must be something she wants."

"Well there is. But I could never find what she wants. And there is no other way to win her heart."

"And what can she possibly want that a dragon of your status can't acquire?"

Drake snorted with pleasure, his bad mood lessening under her praise. "She says the only think that will convince her to marry me is a…well never mind."

"Why don't you get the cleaning solution and I will clean your scales." Penelope offered, hiding her slight shudder.

"Alright!" Drake lifted himself and ran out of the room with speed surprising in one so big.

While she was waiting Penelope he heard a loud clanking at the mouth of the cave. "Hallo? Anyone home?" someone called. With a sigh, Penelope went to go see who it was

"Yes, we are here. How can I help you?" The armed man turned and Penelope's heart skipped a beat. He was her ideal of the perfect prince. Standing tall and proud his face was handsome without being spoiled by arrogance like John's had been. And although his soft brown eyes were a little vague, they were also kind and earnest.

He grinned and bowed. "You must be the Princess Penelope. I heard you were beautiful, but words can do you no justice." The cliché words held more meaning then the most elaborate poem. "My name is Hugh, and I am here to save you."

"How heroic of you!" Penelope exclaimed.

"It has been rather difficult," admitted Hugh. "And after all that I still need to slay the dragon."

"That isn't necessary."

"Of course it is! I must vanquish the creature that kidnapped you and prove I am worthy of you."

"Nonsense."

"It isn't nonsense!" Hugh drew himself up and looked down his nose at Penelope. "It is my duty."

"Yes, it is nonsense. Why would you want to kill Drake when I am perfectly content to leave right now."

"Because…because, I just can't. Now where is he?"

"I can't let you fight him." Penelope crossed her arms.

"You can't stop me. If I don't than no one will think I did things right."

Penelope opened her mouth to argue the absurdness of the his point, when she realized he was hiding his unease. After forcing herself to relax and smile she said, "That isn't true. As long as I say you rescued me no one will question you."

"But why don't you want me to slay him?"

Penelope's remaining irritation vanished. "Because I am very fond of him."

"Well that is different. Lets go then."

Much relieved, Penelope nodded. Although Hugh seemed a little slow, he was hasty to correct the situation and kind.

"Well, you will have to beat me first," roared Drake as he rushed out of the cave, all the frustration from his failed courting centering on Hugh. Before she could intervene, Drake blew out a stream of fire. Hugh ducked behind his shield, which magically was able to sustain the heat of dragon's fire. Once the onslaught had ceased, he jumped out and drew his sword.

The prince and the dragon circled each other, contemplating their next moves. Hugh dove in and the fight began. Penelope had seen Drake fight a few other knights, but none had been as stealthy as Hugh. Both he and the dragon were such accomplished fighters that their fight seemed more like a dance. Penelope would have been content to admire their skills if not for the claw that was suddenly at Hugh's throat. She gathered her skirts and rushed between them. "Stop it, both of you!"

Hugh's stepped back, but kept his sword leveled at Drake.

"Drake, you can't kill Hugh; I think I might love him! And you know I have to be rescued some time, and I would prefer to leave without anyone's getting killed, maimed, or scarred." While she spoke Penelope looked Hugh over for any wounds. Finding none, she gave him a quick hug.

"I'm glad to hear it." Hugh blushed.

Drake lowered a claw and let out an exaggerated sigh. "If you insist. But you still need to do something to get Penelope. I can't just let you take her without proving yourself." Penelope frowned at Drake, but he kept his eyes fixed on Hugh.

"Of course. I forgot with all the excitement." Hugh pulled out a flower from his pocket.

"Why would you want a flower?" Penelope asked Drake.

Drake picked up the flower between two claws and gingerly brought it up to his nose. A slow grin spread across his face. "It's for Belinda. She has always wanted to smell a flower. But whenever she gets close enough, it bursts into flame. And this flower won't burn." To prove it, Drake handed the flower down to Penelope.

She brought it up to her nose and sniffed. To her delight it smelled like a real flower, sweet and natural. From afar it looked like one, but when Penelope brought it closer to observe it, she realized it was a jewel. The magician who crafted this must have been very clever, she thought, to make it look so genuine and keep its scent. She handed it back to Drake. "I hope you are very happy with Belinda, Drake, and if Hugh and I are ever in the area, we will be sure to visit,"

"Please do. I will miss having you around. You are the best princess I ever kidnapped. Until next time." Drake nodded towards both of them, then flew out of the cave and towards the next mountain, where his bride to be awaited him.

"What now?" Hugh asked. He had not thought beyond the quest, and it had come to an end very suddenly. He frowned and scratched his head.

"Now, my love, we go home. Where we, hopefully, will live happily ever after."

"Sounds good to me. Let's go." Now that he had another plan to go by, Hugh grinned and helped his princess on to his horse. Once they were settled as comfortably as possible in the saddle, they rode into the sunset and towards their happy ending.


End file.
